Ok, so let me skip the part where I say it’s great to be part of the re-appropriation of a historic site, let’s skip the gentrification issues and move on to the good stuff.
The roof is awesome! There are 2 pool tables, a “W” shaped hot tub, a big screen TV, a bangin’ sound system, a massive patio with deck chairs, and a BBQ. The down side? #1) No alcohol allowed at anytime #2) The roof closes at 10:30. #3) I can’t buzz friends into my building past 11:30 at night.
This is insane in my opinion … remember those kids you went to school with (or maybe you were one of these kids) with parents that didn’t let them eat sugar? Remember when you’d steal money from your parents and go buy candy – those kids would lose their shit … they’d destroy those 3 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in like 2 seconds, and chances are those kids are overweight adults now. Saying “NO” and putting a curfew on anything results in the complete opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish … because when you try and impose the attitude “NEVER” you only create chaos.
So, you wanna party up on the roof all day and stay past the curfew – no problem, we’ve already figured that one out.
Mission 1: Drinking alcohol during the day.
There are only a few vital steps to this and a couple of nice to have’s. Your best option is to drink white wine (thanks to my buddy David Look for proving this fact last week). Bring up an ice cube tray with ice, your bottle of wine, and a water glass. The key is a see through glass – the sheer ballsy-ness of this gesture basically dares anyone to call you out while at the same time making them feel like losers. Put the ice in your glass, if there’s a security guard around wait until they go check out the babes in the hot tub, then fill up your cup. Use a small enough glass so the ice makes the white wine look pale and no one knows the wiser.
Wanna drink a beer, a little trickier but not much. Bring up your cans (better for disposal) along with a non see through glass. Fill up your glass, let the foam go down and keep an active glass – by which I mean never really leave it in one spot for too long … take a drink, put it back down in another spot … take a drink, put it by your foot … just be a moving target, an active drinker.
A very, very nice to have is a female member of your crew … if you want a mixed drink keep your booze in her bag. Stash the bag in the women’s bathroom. When you need a refill of your Dirty Martini, Manhattan, Old Fashioned, Cosmo or whatever just ask your lovely friend to please go mix you another – key to this approach, supply your bartender with free drinks. And why does this work? Because 99% of the security staff or people that say shit are Men.
Mission 2: Accessing the roof past the 10:30 curfew.
When the developers designed the roof top there’s no way they weren’t thinking, “This place is gonna be an amazing place to have drinks in the summer!” Then the Strata decides to get involved and decide to lower the iron curtain at 10:30. I guess it’s time to go to bed for most of these people that seem to not enjoy having any fun and want to impose their attitudes on the rest of us. Though I must say there are 2 or 3 people on the Strata I’ve encountered that seemed awesome, maybe they just need to speak up.
Anyway, enough with that tangent and on to the instructions. It’s quite simple really … at about 10:20 stash anything you want to keep up there (don’t worry about stashing everything you can go back up and down later, just worry about the heavy stuff – like the keg of beer). Nominate one member of your party to stay, someone who’s unnoticeable, and the rest of you go down to your apartment. If and when the security guard comes to do their rounds have your avant-garde buddy keep out of their sight. Once 10:30 hits the elevator no longer goes to the top floor … unless summoned by someone on the top floor. So wait until about 10:40, text your buddy on the roof that you’re in an elevator, then have them call the elevator to the 42nd floor. Eventually you’ll make it back up there and be free to hang out until you feel like going home.
Mission 3: Buzzing people in after 11:30.
Unfortunately for this there is no solution -yet. That’s right, if you want to come over to my place to visit you can’t buzz my front door. You have to phone or text me when you’re down there and I have to come down and let you in. Again, my frustration for the Strata is raging. It seems most (cuz as I said before I know there a couple people on the strata that are equally as bummed as I am about their take on Martial Law) of the rule-makers are afraid of life. I moved to Gastown and live in Vancouver because I love the city … it seems these people are afraid of Vancouver and even more so of Gastown. Hey, if you think some crackhead is gonna sneak in the front door and come to your apartment and kill you move to Coquitlam!
I do enjoy living in the Woodwards building, Nester’s is super convenient, JJ Bean is great, the amenities are awesome, most of the people I’ve met are amazing, and it’s a great part of town to live in. Despite the Gestapo Strata and the seemingly never ending issues with the elevator, hot water, or internet – it’s awesome, and I trust it will only get better.
See you on the roof!